Midnight Witticisms

My exam is on Thursday.  Ahh! I’m actually not incredibly worried.  Stressing only serves to freak me out, and then I make silly mistakes.  So I’m trying to just take deep breaths and relax.  Tomorrow is our end-of-the-course party, and I’m baking Cream Cheese Fudge Brownies, which will hopefully be delicious.  So far, the only baking chocolate I’ve found was sort of chocolate substitute.  So, we shall see what sort of disasters abound (and they will, since, after all, I’m cooking).

On a totally unrelated note, there is this adorable white kitty who roams the streets of my neighborhood.  She stops by every two or three days.  She’s really sweet and we’ve sort of “adopted” her.  As much as any street cat can be adopted.  I was hoping that Joel would take her in after I move to Tel Aviv, but a second cat when you’re on your own is a lot.  What if he needs to go away?  Who will watch two cats? And if he decides to go back to the States, he’d have to schlepp two cats across the continent…I thought maybe we could get her spayed.  It’s not incredibly expensive - the JSPCA gives discounted baby-removers for street cats - and this way she’ll be safer (and won’t add to the unchecked feline population growth).  Well, she swung by our apartment the other day, you know, for food, and it turns out someone else took her to get spayed.  Her belly was all shaved, she had stitches in the correct spot, and, the tell-tale sign, her ear was tagged.  I’m happy someone here looks out for her.

OK.  Enough dicking around.  Back to work!

Coolest.Fucking.Thing.Ever.  Just keeps reminding us that for everything we know, there are a million things we don’t know.

via Kevin, M.D.

One week and two days until my exam!  Can’t wait for it to be over.  And then…Tel Aviv sexiness!  Thanks to Itai, who decided to leave the country, Matt Schwartz and I will have the hottest apartment allowable in our budget evAr.  It’s pimp.

Details to follow.

We finally started our “stone” sculptures today!  We’re not using anything nice; we’re actually using pretty nasty stuff.  But this is the real deal, and it is wonderful.  So much better than all that crap we’re doing with clay.  Next class (assuming I don’t forget) I’ll try to take a picture of the maquette, so you can see what I’m working on.  It’s so great to be able to create my own piece of art to put in my apartment.  Maybe this can be my job if I don’t get into medical school.  I just love it.  Although, my arm is tired from swinging a mallet all night.

I also got in some surgery-related practice: I wore a mask while I chiseled so that I don’t breathe in that nasty dust.  Let me tell you, it was only for a few hours, but it’s frickin’ sweaty in thurr. Oh, and for my future reference, (and for anyone who plans on wearing masks for an extended period of time) always keep some mints handy!  It will make your mouth feel cooler.  And you won’t have to smell your lunch.  As delicious as my falafel was.

Further research demonstrates that it is in fact the Deathstalker that is also commonly known around these parts as the Yellow Scorpion.  PS - that nomenclature is scary as hell.  Sounds like some evil villain from a really bad  SciFi movie…

Who said the suburbs couldn’t be exciting?

Is it sad that I would totally get an iPod Touch just for this?  There wouldn’t be anything else on there but anatomy.  I know I’m a geek, but this might be pushing it…

So apparently there are yellow scorpions on the roof of the building of my parents apartment.  The apartment is  pentcottage (a penhouse duplex) aka we are the roof of the building.  What’s the problem, you say?  Well, I get to go outside and hang my laundry.  On the scorpion-ridden roof!  I’m totally going to die.  On the plus side, I won’t have to take that pesky exam…

I’ve been trying to find out which scorpion these babies are, to see if I’m going to die a horrible death or if I just get to experience Israeli hospitals from the wrong side.  Well, like everything else in this country, there’s no clear answer.  There are two scorpions that are yellow: the Israeli deathstalker and the Israeli gold scorpion.  I have no clue what I’m up against, as one could potentially kill me (and possibly cure any brain tumors I might have), and the otherone will just be a pain in the wherever-it-chooses-to-sting-me.  Thrilling…

We should all be so lucky to get lucky.

It’s times like these when I get thinking.  I say to myself, “Self: is this really worth it?”  I mean, all this stress to pass a damn test.  Actually getting accepted (a process that can take years in this country) Seven years of skool.  Debt.  Endless years being someone’s residency bitch.  Followed by finally getting a job only to be yelled at by patients.  And if I know anything about the combination of health care and Israeli bureaucracy, hardly getting paid.  Barely having time for a familia.

Maybe I should quit while I’m ahead.  Get a job in something easy that I love doing. Like sex.  I love sex.  What if I jut got paid for sex?  Not only do I love it but I’m good at it, too.  I could start a job like that right away.  No schooling necessary.  I don’t need training. Straight-up profit.  I figured, I’d go for all the politicians, make a nice load of money, learn all the inside secrets.  Then, I can run for some office or something.  I’d be the ex-hooker Knesset member.  That’s totally rockin’.  And that would totally fly in this country as well. seeing as our president is a rapist and our prime minister accepted countless monies in bribes.  My “misdeeds” would be like a drop in the bucket in comparison.

I clearly need more sleep…

So, I have to sit for two exams for university entrance: the Psychometric exam and the Yael Exam.  The latter is an exam to demonstrate my knowledge of Hebrew.  It’s on the sixth grade level, and I’m really not worried.

I opted to sit for both of these exams in the same testing period so that I can just get it over with.  I finally got my letters in the mail with my exam dates and location.  My Yael exam is on July 3rd, 12pm at the Tel Aviv University.  It will suck to be on a bus for an hour and a half each way, but I can deal with that.  My Psychometric exam is July 3rd, 3pm…in Jerusalem.  I’m not really sure what anyone was thinking when they did this, but now I have to track someone down (a project in and of itself), and get them to do something about their (avoidable) error (a second project).  I don’t have time for projects right now.  I also will not have time for both exams, so I guess the lesser of two evils prevails.

Damn bureaucracies.